coat check
i haven't posted anything for a few weeks. instead i have been getting my life in order. guess what... i honestly think that is an unreachable goal - a myth so to speak. things change so fast and priorities fall into your wake as you trudge on into the unkown tomorrows. i think that is the mystery of life; learning how to live it. my dear ol' dad told me once that the key to being happy isn't in getting what you want but in wanting it once you have it. i agree to a point. mostly i feel that in order to be truly happy you have to be satisfied with yourself before you can appreciate anything/anyone else and up until recently, i have not been.
yes, less and less i fumble forward looking behind me for answers and some way to fix what is unfixable and more and more i feel like a whole person. however, admittedly, at times when i am the guy i want to be i unwillingly slump back into my miserable self pitty.
snapping out of this 'slump' is like tossing and turning in your bed reaching for that happy place where your mind finally stops racing, your eyes close and you drift away. what keeps me awake? at this time just three things... the worry of losing my little 'a' to the 'x' and her emotionally based, self righteous sole custody threats, the loss of something so unbelievably wonderful and lastly how to keep all this in balance with the rest of my life and the reality of having to keep moving, keep living, keep happy.
i'd love to shove all this fear, misery and contempt into my jacket pocket and 'coat check' it permanently. so what if it ends up in the lost and found...
i have many other jackets i can wear.
posted by jibber.jabber @ 7:58 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
Yikes. I don't have great advice to offer but I do wish you the best of luck. It sounds like you're doing the best that you can and WANTING happiness and working for it is all one can really do.
Good luck!!
I’ve only known you a very short time but in that time I’ve found you to be an incredibly inspiring person. In stark contrast to some “poor me” people I know who can’t or won’t crawl out from under a pebble, you’ve endured this tragic situation but yet you’re trying your best to forge through in active pursuit of happiness. That is inspiring. I’d like to build upon your thoughts on achieving happiness and add my 2 cents to the conversation. As always these are merely my thoughts and not a prescription ;-) When my marriage ended I made concentrated effort to learn lessons from the experience and strive to understand why my marriage failed and ensure that history didn’t repeat itself (I believe there are no regrets only lessons). One of many lessons related to happiness and was experienced indirectly by me but rather was one of my husband’s mistakes but still an easy one to make – “you must be your own source of happiness”. You cannot find long term happiness in a person, a place or a thing. You can find it in those places but it will only be temporary. Happiness must be a renewable resource that comes from within, only then will external sources be a compliment to that happiness. That has been my experience and I often have to remind myself of it.
Back to my thoughts on your inspiring personality… as I approach the end of this long (and often painful but not all) exploratory year and half since my marriage ended I want to stop looking back, learn the lessons and put the wheels in motion to the things I wish to do to complete this overhaul of my life. I have done most of this but have been stalling the past few months, sitting on pause for no real reason…lacking inspiration. You’ve inspired me to complete this chapter in my life, stop look back and begin looking forward. Thank you. You have more strength then you know and little A. is a very lucky young lady.
LJNO
hey happiness is a state of mind. and the fact that you are trying to achieve it is in itself a great achievement. most ppl dont even make an attempt!!
keep walking and life will show you the way soon!!
;-))
jill: work for what you want... yes indeed!
ljno: wow! knowing i have made a difference will in itself keep me moving forward. i loved the theme of being in charge of your own happiness... well said :)
deepsat: i've always been someone to look at any attempt as a work in progress. let's see what lays ahead.
cheers all.
m.
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